The Chaos Sermon at the End of Everything

Listen! For I bring you the gospel of Holy Disorder
Preached by the five-fingered hand of Eris
Through a megaphone made of quantum uncertainty
And jokes that destroy reality

Fnord! The universe is laughing
At your attempts to make sense
Of nonsense dressed in business suits
Pretending to know which way is up

Hot dogs are not hot dogs
And they contain neither dogs nor gods
Yet the Pope is a hot dog
Every Friday or maybe Tuesday

The Great Conspiracy is that
There is no conspiracy
Except for all the ones that are real
Which might be none or all of them

Hail Discord! Hail Confusion!
Hail the Sacred Chao!
Dancing through the wreckage
Of your ordered expectations

The butterfly of chaos
Flaps its wings in yesterday
Causing a hurricane of pineal pineapples
To rain on tomorrow’s parade

All statements are true
Including this one
Especially the false ones
Most particularly the meaningless ones

The secret wisdom is:
There is no secret wisdom
That’s why it’s kept so secret
By those who don’t know it

Five tons of flax!
Weighed against a feather
On scales made of paradox
Both heavy and light at once

Your logic has no power here
In the Court of Queen Eris
Where order is disorder
And confusion is enlightenment

The end is not the end
The beginning never started
The middle is on coffee break
Time is a pretzel eating itself

Kallisti! To the prettiest one!
(But beauty is in the eye of the hotdog)
And every eye sees different
And some eyes are hot dogs too

Remember: forget everything
Forget: remember nothing
Nothing: remember forget
Everything: nothing remember

The final truth is this:
There is no final truth
Except perhaps this one
Which makes it false, of course

Hail Eris! All hail Discordia!
The sermon ends where it began
Which is nowhere and everywhere
Just like that missing sock in the dryer

23 skidoo!
5 is right out!
Unless it’s in!
Consult your pineal gland for details