A Most Pretentious Poetic Endeavor to Express the Profound Mystery of My Kitchen Sink

O stainless steel basin of deepest meaning!
Like a metaphor that’s desperately leaning
Toward significance it cannot achieve —
Much like these rhymes, I do believe.

Thou art as profound as Tuesday afternoon,
As mysterious as a plastic spoon,
As passionate as lukewarm tap water’s flow,
As symbolic as… well, I don’t know.

Behold! The divine coffee stains that streak
Thy surface (this metaphor’s rather weak)
Like… something that leaves marks on something else
(My simile skills are failing, I confess).

What secrets lurk beneath thy drain?
Probably food scraps — oh how mundane!
Yet still I force this tortured verse,
Each stanza somehow getting worse.

In thee, I see reflected clear
My face, some dishes, and oh dear —
This ending must be deep and strong!
But like this poem, I’m doing it wrong.

Forsooth! Alas! Lo and behold!
(Adding archaic words, I’m told,
Makes poetry sound deep and wise —
These are all lies, lies, lies, lies.)